Positive thinking is harming your happiness

BBC REEL

Vocabulary
NOUNS
VERBS
ADJECTIVES
Sorting the paragraphs
Speaking
1. Answer the questions
  • What is Darren Brown’s main argument about optimism and its impact on people?
  • Explain the difference between the experiencing self and the remembering self according to Daniel Kahneman.
  • How does the thought experiment about waking up to an empty world help us understand our true desires?
  • What does Stoic philosophy suggest about controlling our thoughts and actions?
2. Let’s discuss
  • Do you agree with Darren Brown’s perspective on optimism?
  • Why or why not?How do you think the concepts of the experiencing self and the remembering self can influence your decisions in life?
  • How might applying Stoic philosophy help you handle stress or difficult situations?
  • How do you think your self-perception influences your happiness and decision-making?
Transcript

Hello, I’m Darren Brown, and I think we could rethink our concepts of happiness. I believe we’re often sold the idea that we should believe in ourselves, set goals, and think positively. However, the reality is that thinking positively can sometimes have a negative effect. Optimism, as a concept, doesn’t serve us well when things go wrong. Seeing bad situations in a positive light and looking for the good is okay—that idea goes back to the Stoics. But when we feel like we’ve failed, that’s where the problem lies.

The issue with optimism is that it tells us if things don’t go right, we’ve failed—that we haven’t believed in ourselves enough and that we should blame ourselves because there’s nowhere else to turn. And that’s fundamentally where it’s wrong. You need a system that works for you when things aren’t going well—that’s the real test of whether something holds up or not.

There was a psychologist named Daniel Kahneman who introduced the idea of the experiencing self and the remembering self—two aspects of ourselves at work. For example, if you’re given the choice between going on a roller coaster and having a fun afternoon at a theme park versus looking after a sick relative, which one is going to make you happier? You’d probably think that going to the theme park would bring happiness and excitement to your experiencing self. But your remembering self, looking back on the experience of caring for your sick relative, might actually find it more meaningful. So, you’d likely carry with you a greater sense of happiness and satisfaction from that experience.

We often have a poor understanding of what truly fulfills us. An interesting thought experiment, suggested by a modern Stoic named William Irvin, is to imagine waking up one day and discovering that everyone has disappeared from the world. There are still buildings and cars, but no people—it’s just you. What changes in terms of what you need for yourself? You wouldn’t bother with a big house or fancy clothes; you’d likely seek out something comfortable and practical. When you really think it through, it’s surprising how much of what we desire is only to impress others, even if we don’t see ourselves that way.

Rather than wanting things we don’t have—which probably won’t be good for us anyway—it’s about shifting our desires to appreciate what we already have. Stoicism was born in a time of strife, with war and plenty of reasons to seek tranquility. The Stoics offered phenomenally good advice: there are things in your life that you can control, and things you can’t. The only things you’re truly in control of are your thoughts and actions. Everything else—what others do, think of you, how they live their lives, or how well others perform their jobs—is beyond your control.

You can actually decide that everything outside of your control is fine. I find myself doing this often—when something bothers or frustrates me, I ask myself, “Which side of the line is it on? Is it within my thoughts and actions, or is it something external?” It has to be a genuine thought—what if it was truly fine? This realization needs to sink in deeply and make sense on a profound level; it can’t just be a superficial “It’s fine.” It has to be real. And it’s a very helpful thought.